Being Sick and Joyful
Whatever has been going around finally got me. I was sick! It wasn’t serious; I didn’t have a fever or a hospital stay. I did have to stay in bed, cancel plans, scrape by with my kid’s schoolwork, and order lots of doordash. No one likes getting sick. We are ready to go, do, accomplish. I always get a reality check on how busy my schedule has become when I get sick. The COVID19 pandemic really put all of us in that perspective. We learned exactly what was important in our schedules and what wasn’t.
This last “vacation” in bed taught me a new lesson: I lose all joy when I get sick. I have some heart issues and having to make a will at the age of 30 gives you a fresh look at life. After being really angry and then really scared for like a year, I learned to cherish each and every day. It is probably what makes me love homeschooling my kids. I cherish the time I get with them. I learned to appreciate each day whether it is difficult or delightful. I am not perfect of course and still of days of regular pity parties and exhaustion. All in all though, I am able to remember to have joy because tomorrow isn’t promised.
When I am in bed with a cough and not able to hug my kids or kiss my husband so they don’t get sick, I lose that memory. I get really angry about having to cancel bible study or seeing my friends. It feels like such a waste of time to just sit in bed and get better. Here is where inductive bible study habits convicted me in my pity party of coughing: hevel, hevel, everything is hevel.
I spent the better part of this last year studying Ecclesiastes. It is one of the wisdom books and it is a doozy. The teacher spends time telling us just how arbitrary life can be. It starts with “Meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless”. Now the Hebrew word used there is actually “hevel”. It is translated as “meaningless” because that is the closest thing in English to the Hebrew concept of “hevel”. Another translation is “vanity”.
What hevel means literally is “vapor”. Like smoke, you can see it, smell it, sometimes even taste it but if you try to reach out and grab it, you can’t. It is something you just can’t quite grasp. The teacher in Ecclesiastes makes that point in several life situations. Chapter 1 verse 18: For in much wisdom is much vexation, and he who increases in knowledge increases in sorrow. Chapter 2 verse 11: Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was hevel and a striving after the wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun. Chapter 7 verse 15: In my hevel life I have seen everything. There is a righteous man who perishes in his righteousness, and there is a wicked man who prolongs his life in his evildoing.
These are truths of life that are hard to deal with. Why do good things happen to bad people and good people get cancer and trials? We have all asked these questions at one point or another. I have overjoyed to find this wisdom literature in my Bible. I felt heard and understood. We all want to explanation to evils we witness. Ecclesiastes doesn’t have answers and it can seem pointless…. at first. Then with study and reading and reading it becomes like a security blanket. Even some of the wisest teachers of antiquity had the same questions we do today and they didn’t have the answers either. Honestly it become a comfort that our God is bigger than us. If I could understand all of Him, His plans and will, that God wouldn’t be big enough to give our lives to! If I, in my little human brain and existence can figure God out, then He wouldn’t be much of a god.
Chapter 7 verse 14: In the day of prosperity, be joyful, and in the day of adversity, consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find anything that will be after him. Chapter 12 verse 13: The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.
So when I was lying in bed, running out of terrible movies to watch or shows to binge, I remembered “hevel”. Why do I let being sick steal my joy? It is just a cold and cough. God made the days of health and the days of coughing. It isn’t for me to decide which one has worth. Each day IS a gift. Some of those days, I get migraines. I really get spiteful about those. Some days I have to stay in bed and drink fluids and wait for a cold to pass. Trying to reason them out is always going to be hevel. I found myself praying on these last few days of coughing: “Lord give me joy today. Give me gratitude for each treasure I have. For my home, for my family, for this bed to recover in, for Netflix and doordash and the money for both. I am upset I am not having fun with my friends and kids. I am sad to know just how much junk food my family has probably been eating. I want to get better but I am not looking forward to cleaning everything. Lord, give me joy in you because that is all that really matters.”
